6. How to Trust Yourself More in Business

If you trust yourself to follow through and to handle anything that comes your way, it's a lot easier to try new things and make big moves. So if you're holding back on your business, or anything else, that's usually a sign that you need to grow your self-trust.

In this episode, learn:

• Why it's so powerful to develop greater self-trust
• How to develop trust in yourself based on cold, hard evidence — not just magical thinking
• The pitfalls of NOT taking credit for the things we've done
• How to fold concrete belief and certainty into your self-concept
• What kind of belief and certainty — and how much — you need to succeed

If you want support with strengthening your self-trust muscle, join me on select Fridays all year long for live, first-come-first-served group coaching on F*ck Around Fridays. Find upcoming dates and reserve your spot at https://bit.ly/kkmasterclass.

And if you REALLY wanna go deep, book a private business intensive with me during the month of August 2023. We'll spend 2 hours together on Zoom focusing my 15+ years of expertise on any area of your business that’s lighting you up (or KEEPING you up).

Big projects, big decisions, major changes, big launches, strategy, and more — you’ll walk away with clarity on where you’re headed and a concrete plan to make it happen.

Get all the details and book your private intensive here: https://kristenking.com/get-started/biz-intensive/

Prefer video? Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/AG07nRheqqc

*****
I’m Kristen King, and I’ve been a business coach since before business coaching was cool — since the early 2000s after my first solo business hit six figures less than 2 years out of college. Now, I teach coaches, therapists, healers, and other brilliant service-based entrepreneurs like you how to build their own unique fuck-yeah business.

There's more to me than being a multi-certified coach for kickass entrepreneurs. I'm also a certified hypnotist and a certified mental health and wellness facilitator with an MBA, a master's in publishing, and 15+ years of multi-industry experience.

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Transcript

Kristen King: 0:09

If you're ready for entrepreneurship to feel a hell of a lot easier, you're in the right place. Welcome to From Fuck me to Fuck Yeah, the podcast where service based entrepreneurs learn how to tune out all the fear based bullshit that paralyzes you, and how to tune in to your unique Fuck yeah. I'm integrative business coach Kristen King, and I'm pretty much the bad influence your mother warned you about. On this show, I'm gonna teach you how to peel back all the layers of perfectionism, people pleasing and pressure that stand between you and how you really want this whole entrepreneur thing to go. And while we're at it, we're gonna do that for the whole rest of your life, too. I am not here to make your business look exactly like mine. I'm here to make your business look exactly like yours. So stick around, fuck around and find out what happens when my bad influence rubs off on you. Your mom's probably going to hate it, but you are going to love it. Let's do this shit. Hello, Hello, Welcome back friends. Today, I want to talk about how we can cultivate trust in ourselves as entrepreneurs. If this is your first rodeo, if you're not used to being the person making the decisions, making the plans, calling the shots carrying stuff out, assessing your own performance instead of somebody else doing it, this could feel really, really unfamiliar. But even if this is not your first rodeo, and you've been doing this for a minute, it can still sometimes feel a little uncomfortable to be the one doing those things, and to be the one who is making the call, especially when there are a lot of people out in the world who are trying to tell you that there's a right way to do it. That's different from how you want to do it. And so today, I want to talk about how we do start to develop that trust in ourselves. So it becomes easier to make decisions and to carry those decisions through. And this really centers around your self concept. Your self concept is truly just the way you think about yourself in the world. And you may have a slightly different self concept for different settings, your self concept as a parent may be a little bit different from your self concept as a partner from your self concept as an entrepreneur, that's all really normal. But this concept of yourself about whether you or someone you can trust to do things it's going to carry across all of those different settings. So as we're talking about ways to trust yourself, and where to look for that trust, it's going to be really important for you to as you identify useful evidence and useful information about yourself to intentionally fold that in to your self concept, to intentionally use that as part of the way you think about yourself and talk about yourself. And one of the most effective ways for you to learn how to trust yourself more deeply, and to develop more confidence in your ability to make decisions that are great decisions, and carry them out as great decisions is going to be to look for concrete evidence of the places that you have done that in the past. And now sometimes when I offer this to folks, they'll say, Well, I've never done anything right in my life. I can't I don't have any evidence. And I'm here to tell you, that's definitely not true. There's definitely things that you have done right. But for a second, we'll just pretend that it's true. What if we don't have evidence of something? What do we do, we go create evidence. So if you are sure that you are the exception to the rule, and you are the one person who has nothing in the past that you can use as evidence that you are trustworthy, that you are competent that you get things done, and that you can do this, okay, fine. But now let's go create some. So whether you're taking action to create some evidence in the world, and we'll talk a little bit more about that action taking in a future episode. But whether you're taking action right now to create results in the world, or you're looking back at things you've already done that you can use as evidence or a combination. Let's talk about what we do with that evidence once we find it. One thing that I often see happen, and this is especially with my clients who've been socialized as women, but not only with those clients is that they'll look back at things that they have done successfully in the past and discount them. Well, yeah, I made that sale, but I didn't really do it. They did it. They're the one who decided to buy. So really, it's their success, and I made that money, not my success. That's one that I've had a couple times. Right, I completed that project, but really it was the whole team who did it. I should I'm just the one who carried it across the finish line. So I don't get any credit here. Right we'll look back at stuff and we'll find a lot of reasons why we don't get any credit for it. Why we didn't accomplish anything there. Why there's nothing there that we can use on our own benefit. It says though, we were like a padded plant in the corner when something else happened. And this is a habit that's really trained into us from early childhood, we're told not to be too big for our britches, we're told not to brag, we're told not to share things, because someone else might feel bad about it. And so anytime we accomplish something, we would get negative feedback for talking about it for being proud of it for owning it, you're so full of yourself, like those sorts of things. And that helps to sort of perpetuate this lack of trust in ourselves. Because we don't trust the evidence of concrete things we've done, as evidence that we did that we have a tendency to really outsource and delegate that responsibility. So I want you to first of all, look for those places where you have accomplished something where you have done something, you've hit a goal, you've made a decision and seen it through you solved a problem, you sold something, you delivered a service beautifully, whatever that thing is, go find one of those. And I want you to really look at it from an outside perspective, and identify all of the actions that you took all of the thoughts and emotions that were involved in that process, all of the previous experience that you brought to bear in that particular situation. And I want you to show yourself concretely and specifically with verifiable facts, exactly how you created that result, that outcome, that accomplishment that you're looking at, it may be true, that the other person is the one who, for example, decided to hire you and paid you. But they could not have done that, if you didn't do all of the things that you did. And if you weren't all of the ways that you were to create the situation where it was even possible for them to do that. And so this is your chance to start to get really curious, and to be a detective who's really searching out examples and evidence of all of the places that you have done things. And you get to fold those into your self concept into the way that you think about yourself as proof that you are someone who can be trusted to make good decisions, that you are someone who can be trusted to deliver on what they promise that you are someone who can be trusted to follow through. And the more you intentionally look for these things, and consciously think about them, and consciously fold them into your self concept, the more you are going to come to know yourself. As someone who is trustworthy, the more you are going to come to know yourself as someone you can trust and rely on. And so as you look at areas in your business, where maybe you're feeling a little shaky, you're a little uncertain, it's totally okay to do that to be shaky and uncertain. And to maybe not know the answer. But I want you looking for the places where you don't trust yourself to be able to find or figure out the answer. Because uncertainty isn't a problem. skill gaps are not a problem. Those are all, you know, things are figured out. And then we can get certain we can learn a new skill and plug the gap. It's not a problem. The problem comes in when we use not knowing something or not being sure how something is going to turn out as proof that we can't trust ourselves that we can't rely on ourselves. And that's what has us outsourcing our decision making outsourcing our authority, outsourcing our validation to other people who aren't us who don't know us who don't know what works for us who think we should be doing things their way. And they may very well be right. I mean, maybe their way is awesome. But if it's not awesome for you, that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the way that you do it. And so when we don't trust ourselves, we look to other people to give us a sense of certainty and security and whatever. And that has us following other people's rules that may or may not apply to us. So I want you to really focus on looking for that evidence of what you can be counted on for what you can count on yourself for. You don't have to have 100% belief and 100% certainty that everything is gonna go exactly the way you want it to all the time. The only belief and certainty that you need is that you're a person who can figure shit out is that this is worth it to you to go forth and try it. And that when things maybe don't go the way you thought, the belief and the certainty and the trust that you're going to try again and that you're going to learn from it and that you're going to do something different. And this is how you start to see yourself as that trustworthy, reliable person. This is also how you start to develop your resilience and your own inner resources. So you don't have to depend exclusively on other people to feel like you're doing a good job to feel like you know what you're doing to feel like your choices are valid, you get to do that for yourself, you get to be nice to you, you get to be kind to yourself, as you continue getting to know yourself better and better and better, as an entrepreneur, as a parent, as a partner, as a neighbor, as a person walking around in this world, who can figure shit out and who can handle things and is actually pretty fucking good at this. So please go forth, explore, build that evidence, make those lists of those actions, those thoughts and feelings, those things that you did that you pulled in from the past to inform what's happening. Look at those lessons that you learned. And really give yourself credit for what you have done, really take ownership of the things that you did. sure other people were involved. But so were you. And you got to have credit for yourself. The more you do that, the more deeply you're going to trust yourself and the more confident and excited and secure you're going to feel in your business. And that is what makes it a whole lot more fun. I can't wait to hear what you discover. Find me on the socials, get in touch with me through my website. Tell me what you learned. Make sure on my email list, you can just hit reply to any of those messages and give me an update. I'll put the links to all that stuff in the show notes. And I will see you next time go forth and trust yourself If you liked this episode, you'll love the Fuck Yeah Entrepreneurs Society, my membership program for service based entrepreneurs just like you. In F-YES, you get lifetime access to my 15+ years of business experience plus a ton of other brilliant shit. Live weekly coaching calls with me, a digital library of kick ass content to support your fuck yeah business and your fucking life. Plus a private Facebook group for 24/7 support in connection with the F-YES community. Get all the details and snag your spot at kristenking.com/fyes, that's KR i s t e n king.com/the letter F Y e s or just click the link in the show notes. And speaking of the show notes while you're down there, make sure you're on my email list and follow me on the socials for more awesome Fuck Yeah support and insiders only info right in your pocket. entrepreneurships about to get eleventy billion times simpler and a fuck ton more fun. I'll see you inside F-YES.